we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
