She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
