i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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