Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
