It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
