her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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