The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
