I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
