Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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