I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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