So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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