Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
