If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
