Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
