dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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