Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
