If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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