Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
