I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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