ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
