Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
