can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
