meet me or not, i'm out of control
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
