I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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