Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
