No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
