It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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