Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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