Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
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You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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