If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
