best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
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