I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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