You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
