he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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