Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
They have beer where we have blood.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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