very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
