just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
