2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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