Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
