New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
