matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
