Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
