omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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