The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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