May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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