the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
