The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
