I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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