p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
