I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
