As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Even my vagina gasped.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
