she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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