just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
