Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
