I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
