If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm at about main and main street
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
