it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I supernannyed him into submission
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
