he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
