I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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