rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
