It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
