I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
